


Faith: littlewonder2 — LiveJournal

by littlewonder



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-25
Updated: 2010-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24750067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlewonder/pseuds/littlewonder
Summary: The Glee Club questions Kurt's lack of religion.
Kudos: 2





	Faith: littlewonder2 — LiveJournal

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to [LJ](https://littlewonder2.livejournal.com/23691.html)

It was never a matter of faith. Kurt had never given up on anything, his pride refused to let him. Pride in himself, his choices, his father. Kurt was too sentimental for that, anyway. It was just that, when his mother died, he was forced to face things that he shouldn't have had to at such a young age. He had to face reality, and all that it entailed.  
  
Among other things, he learned not to rely on fairytales like God. But he knew that others wouldn't understand his so-called lack of faith, so he kept it to himself. A bit like his sexuality, when he received the impression he could really hide it, or his now-past crush on Finn.  
  
So he learned to rely on more substantial things, his father in particular, and material things. It was how he began to build up his killer fashion sense. And its how he began to learn to take care of himself, even while he was still growing up. His father had worried for a little while that he was growing up too fast, but Kurt had assured him that this was good for him. So he believed Kurt.  


He always believed in Kurt.

And then all this had been drudged up in Glee, with the falling sick of his father. He had never asked for their support in this way, he never wanted this, it was all so pointless. Spirituality was all about false hope. It was not the kind anyone needed, and he felt angry by everyone following it when they could be doing something more useful about everything, least of things comforting him with their own words, rather than speaking through some non-existant entity.  
  
Mercedes and him were always close, even with all their differences, and he had backed her up on her own opinions before. But when she tried to comfort him with religious words, that was just one step too far. This was not something that he could assure her positively of. He had to speak his mind.  
  
Kurt had been even more upset when he saw the spirituality manifest further in his father's hospital room. The sight of friends gathered around his father's bed might have been moving if he hadn't been surrounded by spiritual candles and being sung a religious number by Rachel from Yentl. It was all so insulting.  
  
He knew these were things his friends believed, even if they were deluded. So he left, and came back with a compromise, flauting in front of them the direction he thought they should at least try to act around him. Because otherwise, this was not something he could easily tolerate.  
  
It occured to him while he was alone that he was being unfair. How long had he craved for acceptance for what he was? But religion and homosexuality were never going to be in the same category, and he realised that acceptance was never easy or unconditional. Besides, churches had done too many bad things throughout history, least of all to his kind, to take back now, which even now they continued to do. Kurt would not turn back on what he had already decided years ago. It was too late.  
  
"What happened to you, Kurt? How can you just not believe in anything?"  
  
Kurt saved his glares at Finn Hudson for special occasions, and this certainly qualified as one of those. It figured someone would ask that dreadful question, least of all the man he once professed to love. How could he have even been attracted to this lumbering giant? Who ever said he believed in nothing at all?  
  
"And what would make you say that?" Kurt asked him scornfully, already crossing his arms across his chest.  
  
Finn looked suddenly nervous. "Well, I mean how you...you don't really believe in God, do you?" He rubbed his neck awkwardly.  
  
Kurt couldn't blame the awkwardness, with limbs like that. "No. But how does that mean I believe in nothing?" Kurt retorted.  
  
"Well, no, I -- so, wait -- does that mean you believe in Buddha or the Muslim god or something?"  
  
"Do I look Muslim to you?" asked Kurt. "Besides, the Muslim god is the same as the Christian one, they just have different names."  
  
"They...they do? Wait, how is that possible?"  
  
"Different people, different versions. It all adds up to the same lies in the end."  
  
"How do know so much about this?" asked Finn. "Did you look this stuff up?"  
  
"Not specifically. I learned as well as I've learned anything else; I read about it in the library."  
  
"Well, I don't think you should judge things so quickly --"  
  
"I have had a long time to think about it, Finn. And the more I think, the less I believe. There's nothing quick about my judgements."  
  
"Oh," said Finn. "Well, I wish it were different."  
  
"Why, so I could think like you?" Kurt retorted as Finn began to turn around to go. Finn paused. "No. So you'd have _something_ , instead of just being alone."  
  
Coming from Finn, that meant a lot. Especially since it meant that, if I hadn't been so alone, maybe I wouldn't have tried for him in the first place.  
  
Maybe he had a point, after all.  
  
Kurt was alone, especially now with his dad comatose and his friends he was pushing away. Why was he doing that, when they were his only remaining support system? He was home alone, hardly even exchanging two words with Finn and Carole for the most part, let alone staying with them. The only words with Mercedes lately have been arguments. And he was teetering between silence and yelling in Glee. And for what?  
  
So he decided to make up with Mercedes, even (reluctantly) agreed to join her at her church once. He relaxed in Glee. And he apologised to Finn, asking him to pass along the message to his mom.  
  
Straight away, he was asked by Carole to stay the night, just so he didn't have to suffer alone, but Finn wouldn't agree to that, so Kurt simply suggested to go there after school in the afternoons, once visiting his father in hospital; Kurt already spent every afternoon there. Now he would spend around three hours at Carole's house afterwards, long enough to be given dinner before he was driven home.  
  
The nights were depressing, and he went to bed crying. It was lonely, but at the same time, he was glad no one else was around to witness these weak moments. He still didn't know if his dad was going to pull through this alive, and the thought that he wasn't overwhelmed him.  
  
Still, he had friendly words beeping in on his phone regularly to keep him company. But he refused to let anyone except occasionally Mercedes come over during these times. He appreciated her company, her hugs and her patient ear.

Still, despite his self-assurances that he still had faith within him, he didn't know if his father would survive. After all, reality dictates that it doesn't always work out. His mother is proof of that. Sometimes, faith is unreliable. That's the flimsy thing about it, like the life of an amateur musician.  
  
Logic versus faith, head versus heart. It really depends on who you are, and what you depend on.  
  
And perhaps your lot in life. It turned out, in the end, Kurt got a second chance this time. He wasn't sure how long it would last, but his father was back. And this time, he was not going to waste. And neither, he hoped, would his father, after everything else that had happened. And after Kurt's story of the whole affair.  
  
They had a second chance. It seemed that faith wasn't completely hopeless, as long as it was justified. It showed Kurt what was left to believe in. Him and his dad. And that someday he was going to leave this small town and live his life.  
  
But that was in the future. Right now, all he wanted to think about was that he still had a family. Right now, he could be happy.


End file.
